So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
