you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
