I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
