remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
