don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
