if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
