shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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