butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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