Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
