Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
