dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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