I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
