fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
