Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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