the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
