Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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