They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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