I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
