member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
