Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
