On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
