Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
