my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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