Don't you send me to vm
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
