we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
