If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
