i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
