Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
FUCK WHALES
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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