i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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