It was confusing and full of hummus
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
