All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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