I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
