Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
