Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
