i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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