And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
