is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
