he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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