i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
