I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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