Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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