I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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