just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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