I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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