does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
