I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
