Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
