Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
