We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
there's paper in my vomit.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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