i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
