She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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