Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
