the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
